when i was cleaning out my studio on friday i realized i've taken pretty regularly photos of it since the beginning. so, here's a timeline!

1. on the first day, when we were given our studio spaces. i loved that yellow chair. i wish i'd stolen it.

2. somewhere near the beginning, proud of a new outfit from beacon's closet.

3. working on my birdcages

4. a lot of people wished i had re-installed the birdcages like this for the show, but they drove me too crazy- there wasn't enough for the effect i wanted, and i liked them all together on the floor.

5. here is is at its hey-day... siiiiigh. look how well-used and lovely it is...

6. after my grandparents came to visit a few weeks ago. they brought me christmas lights to decorate it with!

7. looking bare without all the wall art and furniture. :( last week while in preparation for our show.

8. all set up for the show.

9. in the midst of cleaning up on friday. tear. :'(

10. and finally, back to tip-top shape for the next NYSP-er!

i WILL NOT miss this.

another heartwarming job by improv everywhere. reminds me of when i used to be in a handbell choir!

Originally uploaded by thefacelesskid

it's been a long time since i've really posted. now i've only got two weeks yet and once again, i feel myself dragging my heels into the next bout of change. this semester has been... really indescribable.
the chance to be able to experiment wholeheartedly with my work has been a huge gift. the chance to "fail flamboyantly", as dominique nahas told us at the beginning of the semester. i've gotten to know my work so much better, as well as be able to trust the decisions i make. i don't feel like i need to question the things i'm doing as often, at least, not in a negative way. i feel more confident, brave, calm, and happier. i am so grateful for the new amazing friends i've made, for my newfound ability to navigate the new york subways, and the incredible opportunities i've had. i'm thankful for all the support my family has given me even though times are tough, for the friends and family who have visited (and will still be visiting!), and the professors from corcoran who helped me to get here, and the amazing faculty at the new york studio program. i'm appreciative of the more difficult parts of this experience, and how they helped me grow.

i already know i'm going to miss living in new york. i'm already starting to think about moving back, which does seem to be a trend with some nysp students. despite how bittersweet it feels for the semester to be ending, i'm still really excited for upcoming opportunities.

like i said, things are bittersweet, but still really, really good.

my friend took a few photos of my room, i wanted to share them. they seem to fit how i'm feeling lately.

i FREQUENTLY have moments where i never want to leave.

i know this is a little late but

(bill jenson photo)

my mom asked me if i saw the memorial lights, and i said no, but i just realized that i did seeing this photo. i just didn't make the connection. i thought about it a lot on wednesay, when the director of our program recalled his own eyewitness accounts. he's the first person that i know who was there and actually talked about it. i still remember that day, just like all of us do. i was little, in seventh grade, so i didn't understand the gravity of the situation, but i do remember the sick feeling of fear i had. and the misunderstanding of why anybody would want to cause that much devastation. i remember the photos, the magazines and newspapers and news reports full of people covered in blood, covered in ash, sitting in shock, little figures jumping... and the image of the firemen carrying out the first man that they found... it's still strange to think of the new york city skyline without the twin towers, even though it's been eight years. the stories our director told brought tears to my eyes.

what 9/11 would've been like with our current technologies

"# The jumpers will always be with us.

Faced with the most horrible of all human choices, the kind of riddle that grade-school children use to torture each other, many leaped rather than burn. And as the debris falling from the top anthropomorphized into human beings, people watching understood that for the time being, we were all beyond help. "I don't remember faces, just bodies jumping out," says Alexandra Rethore, a second-year analyst at Lehman Brothers. "And the girl next to me was hysterical. She kept saying, 'They're catching them, right?' I said, 'Yeah, they're catching them. Let's go.' " It was a noble act, a message to loved ones: "I'm gone but not lost. I'm still here. Find me." -David Carr

(from boingboing.net)

somedays, aren't yours at all

so here ends my first week in brooklyn. even though i don't know my way around yet at all i still feel like i've already been here forever. i haven't even been staying out that late but i still come home exhausted. i'm finally moving to my new apartment tomorrow (i don't know why i'm saying finally, because it's only been a week), but i'm pretty psyched to be in a more convenient area, have my own place (without having to share a bedroom or look after freshmen!), and live close by a couple good friends. i've started making something, but i'm not ready to talk about it here. it's just in beginning stages. it's still just so overwhelming to be here. and i've barely started to take advantage of anything here. it's amazing how much easier it is to WANT to do work when you have your own space specifically for making art.

Huge Photo Dump Of The First Day

today we had our first day of orientation at the new york studio program. yet again, i got totally lost. google map's directions were totally wrong, so even though i left two hours early i got to orientation with minutes to spare, with sweat dripping down my back, even after jumping in a cab and basically running four or five blocks. i'm really hoping i can find somewhere closer soon.

we met the director and the studio manager, both of whom are really nice and down to earth. they told us a few stories about past groups who did the same thing we are, warned us about an apparent bedbug problem NYC's having, talked about our schedules, and gave us a tour. we were given books to read as well, and a set of keys. we even got free swiss army knives with the NYSP's address on them. pretty sweet. there's even a full kitchen that apparently was picked up and moved from the old tribeca studios! i'm excited to meet the faculty, too.

now, without further ado, here is my lovely, bright, big, and untouched (by me) studio space.

this is my lovely yellow chair that i commandeered for my very own.

this is the view from my studio. there's some interesting abstract street art across the way.

can you see the baby dolls hanging from the telephone wire in the above picture? i blew it up so you can see.

the neighborhood is sweet. there's a lot of interesting little shops and restaurants, and it's right near the water. we can see the brooklyn bridge from our studios, which is loud but picturesque. under the bridge is a really pretty little park, too. and right next door to us is a doggy daycare place, which is extra fun because then we get to see the dog walkers get pulled along by the dogs.

see?

the left one is our building.

the other direction... the right one's our building. you can see the bridge, too.

after orientation a few of us went and walked around, and we ended up going to this great bar down the street. i'd seen it the last time i was here, but this is the first time i was inside. it's really neighborly and i loved how they opened up all the windows. everyone was really quiet during orientation, so it was really nice to get to know those who came better. everyone slowly opened up and started joking around and telling stories about where we're from.

and there was this adorable little dog hanging inside the bar. she was pretty shy though, she wouldn't let us pet her.

this is jasmine telling everybody how she got into a catfight recently (she's the girl on the right with her back to us).

the little dog hanging out.

the prerequisite first day of school picture for mom and dad. sorry, mom and dad, i forgot to flip my nose ring up. but it still counts.

and the lovely baby dolls viewed from the outside.

getting to finally see my new studio space and meet the people i'm going to be working with over the next few months only filled me with even more motivation and excitement. i'm starting to brainstorm ideas so i've got to go buy art supplies tomorrow. i can't wait to see what i can do with all the time and space i'm being given!

Nice To Meet You

everyone said that it's impossible to sleep here, and they were right. i'm hoping i get used to it, but in the meantime i'll entertain myself by taking photos of the sunrise.

***

later i went into manhattan to check out the fashion district. i wanted to go to mood, where they take the people on project runway, but it was closed. i guess i'll have to go again later to pick up fabric for my own stuff. it looks huge though. chris ended up coming to meet me at the little park by 34th and broadway.

while we were sitting there this homeless man came up and started talking to us. he must've been lonely because he talked to us for about an hour. he started out by asking us how we thought we should make spaghetti and meatballs. the conversation rambled all over the place, which during that time he smoked cigarettes and took sips out of liquor bottle. he told us how he worked at the postal service for years until he got fired for drinking. apparently they gave him several chances but he kept messing up. he told us about how he had a kidney removed, and how he had cancer and continuously got x-rayed, and then wondered, hey, wonder if these x-rays are what's making me sick! he asked chris what his sign was (sagittarius) and how his son is a sagittarius too, but he deals crack. he told us that back in his day you stayed away from "the white lady" which was heroin.

he tried to sell chris a watch, asking him if he was jewish and had rich parents. he started asking why we were here, asked chris if he was in the city to "visit this beautiful lady." he thought i was chris's girlfriend, and was like, how much does it cost to take this girl out, fifteen dollars? chris played along and said, oh no, way more than that, she's needy.

one thing that i did notice is that he did appear to address chris more than me- he wasn't exactly disrespectful, but he must go by the "women must be seen and not heard" ideals. and he did in fact tell me to cover my ears at one point and joked to chris about how he used to tell his wife, "i've got the penis, you do what i say."

he told us about ted turner chugging jack daniel's and how he doesn't really do that anymore. he reminisced about when cigarettes were 25 cents and admitted that he can't swim.

at one point he said, "i must be a little inebriated!" and obviously knew the cop walking around in the area, saying, "don't you need to go home to your wife?"

it was really interesting. i know the way i'm describing him comes off as really rude, sexist, and abrasive, but he was actually pretty friendly and i never felt uncomfortable. it was more just kind of funny. we didn't have to fight to get out of the conversation either... he just ended it politely when it was time, and finally asked me my sign. "A leo," he said. "One of the strongest signs- watch out, she'll dominate you!" he said to Chris, as his parting word.

before we said goodbye i asked him if i could take a photo- he wanted to make sure that his false teeth were in straight. unfortunately the photo's a little blurry, but i'm still glad i took it. this interaction was the last of several that i had this summer. me and erick really enjoyed having conversations with max, JC, and... steve? was that his name? all strangers who came and talked to us about random things, safely of course. i hope they continue to happen, i really enjoy them.

before he left he asked chris if he would draw his picture in my sketchbook- again, not asking me to draw, haha. i don't think he ever knew that i went to art school, too. i wasn't insulted, like i said, i just thought it was funny. you can see i started writing all the random stuff he was talking about down, since it was so off the wall. he asked if he could keep it, so i took a picture before i tore it out.

just a small thing while waiting to meet a friend in bed-sty at the norstrand stop:

this cop trying to get this guy to do a sobriety test. i don't think the guy in the yellow was in trouble or anything. i think the cop just thought it was funny.

the guy didn't know how to walk the line. he took big steps instead of doing heel toe, skipped the touching his nose part, and still walked crooked.
then he walked straight into traffic. this is right before the cop yelled "NO DON'T GET HIT!" and the guy just barely jumped out of the way.

...then you can see the cop bent over a phone booth laughing his ass off about the drunk guy just barely getting hit by a car.

First Day in Brooklyn

traveling was kind of a nightmare. i had a 9.30 am direct flight, but it was overbooked, so they asked four people to transfer to a different flight. the later flight was only at 10.20, so i ended up taking it. they gave me a 400$ free voucher, so i guess i'll be traveling a little more this year! i also got a free lunch, thanks to the milwaukee airport. it wasn't very tasty though.

i ended up having to fly through detroit, which sucked because the plane ended up having computer problems. they tried to fix it, but then had to replace it with a new one. they had us sit on the plane for a half hour, then de-plane us, so we had to get off the plane and wait for ten minutes while they took care of it. i was exhausted, running on no sleep, super cranky. then went i finally got to jfk my luggage was missing- i stood around for an hour watching everybody else's luggage get picked up and then finally went to the counter. i should've just done that first, turns out my luggage had come on the earlier flight without me. it was in overflow.

can you tell how exhausted i look?

i'm temporarily staying in a house in flatbush, near brooklyn college., with a family that rents out to exchange students. it's pretty far away from i need to be so i'm hoping that i find somewhere else soon, but it's interesting while i'm there. the neighborhood's really diverse, with lots of huge and beautiful old houses. i'm staying in a blue room on the third floor. after eating chinese with the family i'm staying with, i went to go meet Chris and a few people from NYSP. we were planning on going to see la boheme at the lincoln center, but i ended getting so lost in my neighborhood trying to find the subway! i literally walked around for an hour, which was pretty pathetic since it's literally three blocks away. what actually ended up going wrong was that i turned the wrong way out of my house going down the street and then repeated the directions that way. i had to use VW navigator on my phone to get back.

it took awhile to get into manhattan on the Q. but crossing the brooklyn bridge and seeing manhatten's city lights before me lifted any tiredness and low spirits i might have had. i know it's cliche, but it was beautiful. this is what i've been planning to do even before i started at the corcoran when i met rachel fick. it's amazing to actually be here. i know i sound all starry eyed and optimistic, but i guess i pretty much am.

it's only a crappy cellphone picture, but still.

5 days

as i near my arrival into new york city i find myself struggling with my self confidence a lot. brooklyn's hipsters somehow seem more intimidating than dc's hipsters. i'm even intimidated by the friends i have who already live there. it's a constant battle, between those "i know i'm fabulous, but am i fabulous enough?" type of thoughts.

being home in the midwest bolsters me up and makes me feel at peace again, but the thought of re-entering the grind of the east coast makes me hyperventilate a little bit inside. both due to excitement and nervousness.

it's also strange to not be going back to dc for a semester. as my friends and peers and professors prepare for the school year starting this week, it's strange to not be joining them. i've tried to articulate this feeling to other corcoran students, and they say "it's not like this is permanent." which is true. but i think i'd just started to get used to living in dc, the coldness and the brightness of it all. it's strange to be so involved and then so disconnected. it reminds me of being an exchange student my junior year of school and those old questions, like will i still have friends when i get back? i know worries like that are juvenile at best, but they happen, just the same.

no matter my misgivings, i look forward to throwing myself into this experience wholeheartedly. i can't wait to be up to my ears in work again. my fingers are dying to be ravaged by sewing needles and polyester stuffing, and i want to get back to my signature sculpture color, white (no more purple tulle for me! that experiment failed).

(photo from Me.la.bo.)

i'm starting to think i'm just not cool enough for new york.