as i near my arrival into new york city i find myself struggling with my self confidence a lot. brooklyn's hipsters somehow seem more intimidating than dc's hipsters. i'm even intimidated by the friends i have who already live there. it's a constant battle, between those "i know i'm fabulous, but am i fabulous enough?" type of thoughts.
being home in the midwest bolsters me up and makes me feel at peace again, but the thought of re-entering the grind of the east coast makes me hyperventilate a little bit inside. both due to excitement and nervousness.
it's also strange to not be going back to dc for a semester. as my friends and peers and professors prepare for the school year starting this week, it's strange to not be joining them. i've tried to articulate this feeling to other corcoran students, and they say "it's not like this is permanent." which is true. but i think i'd just started to get used to living in dc, the coldness and the brightness of it all. it's strange to be so involved and then so disconnected. it reminds me of being an exchange student my junior year of school and those old questions, like will i still have friends when i get back? i know worries like that are juvenile at best, but they happen, just the same.
no matter my misgivings, i look forward to throwing myself into this experience wholeheartedly. i can't wait to be up to my ears in work again. my fingers are dying to be ravaged by sewing needles and polyester stuffing, and i want to get back to my signature sculpture color, white (no more purple tulle for me! that experiment failed).
(photo from Me.la.bo.)
